Life

I decided to try anxiety meds

March 21, 2018
Avan Patel Photography avanpatel.com

Two weeks ago, I shared my ongoing struggles of anxiety with the world. As I read through the supportive comments and messages from people I’ve known for years and people who I’ve never met at all, I just felt so held. I guess social media can be good for some things! 

So here’s the update:

I finally decided to try medication. For sooo long I had been resisting the urge from doctors, family and friends to go on medication for my symptoms. I resisted because I was scared of the side effects, I was scared of becoming reliant on pills and I was scared of not being completely me. But one of my good friends asked me a question that really helped to shift my perspective on using modern medicine to help me get back on track.


She said:

“You’re scared of not being completely yourself if you take medication, but as you sit here right now suffering from anxiety, do you feel completely yourself?”

My answer was no. No No No with a capital N! I feel like I have been robbed of blooming self, usually full of joy, excitement and potential.  That part of me over the last few months have been replaced with someone who is always on edge, and fearful and paranoid.

 

Avan Patel Photography www.avanpatel.com

 

After trying so many natural remedies, rituals and routines which only helped mildly, I started thinking about an alternative. I reevaluated my pre-conceived notions of using medication for my mental health and finally put my fear and ego aside. I gave in, because I’ve tried so many other things that have not helped, and I so badly want to feel completely myself again.

I began taking a very low dose of medication that I will test out for the next few months. Once my mood, emotions and body have stabilized into my normal self again, I will be weaning off the medication.

 

Avan Patel Photography http://www.avanpatel.com

It’s been about a week since taking my first dose, and I already feel much better and much more myself. I don’t know if it’s the medication, or being home in my own bed, or peachie snuggles, or placebo, but it’s working! I’ve been sleeping better, feeling less anxious and have less ruminating thoughts. Most importantly, I am feeling a peace that I haven’t felt in months!

It’s so crazy how many people suffer silently with mental health issues – be it anxiety, depression or any other mood disorder out there. It seems like it’s become part of our fast paced culture. I am human just like everyone else, and with this whole experience I have decided to stop putting so much pressure on myself to go through things alone. We are all connected and here to help each other. If I’m celebrating my highs, I love sharing them with you.  And if I am going through lows (like now), I will share those with you too, because I see so much value and support in this beautiful community we are creating.

 

There’s one more thing I’d like to share, because this photograph needs a little attention from the online world,
and I feel like it fits in with everything I am saying…

Huberto the Hippo and his lifelong Terrapin friends! – Kruger National Park

 

I’d like to introduce you to Huberto the lone Hippo and his Terrapin Turtle friends.

Huberto lives in the Kruger National Park, in a little body of water. He is always in this place, and always alone.. that is… without any other hippos around. But the thing is, hippos generally travel in schools because they are a social species. Sometimes you do see hippos by themselves, but more often than not they are hangin’ out with their friends at the local pool/watering hole.

Not Huberto!

This guy stays put in this one little pond every day and every night, and has taken up residency permanently. He’s been there for years apparently, in that same pond with multiple little Terrapins on his back.  I don’t know the real story, and maybe we humans will never know why these two VERY DIFFERENT species hang out day in and day out… But I hope Huberto and his terrapins are best friends because that would be a true definition of friendship. No matter what, they are stickin’ with each other through thick and thin.

HOW AMAZING ARE ANIMALS!??
What a beautiful story.
I’m so glad I came across him, and am able to share it with the world.

🐢🐢🐢

In the grade finale, I’m not sure how to weave that story with my own, except to say, we all need friends in life. My friends have been helping me tremendously throughout this experience, and I feel so much gratitude to have such amazing people concerned for my well being. No matter size, looks, species… We are all connected and we are all one. So, let’s continue lifting each other up through friendship, pills or no pills, in good days and bad.

xoxox

 

 

PS. Special thanks to Avan Patel for taking such stunning photos with a vintage cam! Our short and sweet photo session made for really beautiful raw images, and I’m impressed with the way they turned out…. I think they captured the mood of this post perfectly.

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  • Reply tony crawford April 27, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    Hi Jessica
    You have been Very Brave in talking of your problem, It’s always The 1st & Hardest thing to do
    So many people are afraid to use the words Mental Health, Why I’m Not Sure,, It’s all part of the Body
    I’m so pleased you are giving tablets or Anything else a go to Help you to feel better again & That’s what we want for you, Better Again
    Your a wise Young Lady & Know to be careful.
    Your Beautiful Jess & Your Black & White Photos are Amazing, Hope you don’t mind a Compliments / Truth
    Love Tony x x Thinking of You

    • Reply Jessica Allossery April 27, 2018 at 7:03 pm

      Thank you Tony, your words were very very sweet and certainly appreciated! The meds are helping for sure! I’ll be able to get off of them in a few months, and it feels really great to be back to normal.

  • Reply Nate Maingard March 26, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    I love you, may this be a solution for you ,my dear friend!

  • Reply Marco Cachay March 24, 2018 at 11:00 pm

    You are amazing person, you just need to write down on a paper why you are worry, that work very well when you anxiety and you don’t what going on.
    Thanks for share, good luck Jessica, I hope I see you next time in Charlotte.🌹

    Take care my friend, Hum Humberto is a

  • Reply David Myers March 23, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    Jessica,
    It’s OK to need help. I’ve been on meds for a very long time, and will likely remain on them for the rest of my life. You were worried about being “you.” Consider that meds can help you be a better “you,” a you you’ve been missing. I wish you blessings on your journey.
    Dave.

  • Reply Todd March 21, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    What a lovely, courageous post my friend! We all need other supporters of our being in so many ways! I’m so glad you are experiencing some relief, and hope you continue on as well. I know that without my friends and family (immediate) and to some extent, extended, I would be in a very dark place! You have been a tremendous support the past 1.6 years!!! Your love, songs, and humanness has helped me so much! Now, you could use some of that support from us!!! We are all connected!!!

    Thank you for being so honest!

    Love, peace! Friendship always!

    Todd

  • Reply James D'Alessandro March 21, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    Good for you Jessica. when u do begin to wean off, u can consider replacing with magnesium…it’s natural, works on some of the same brain receptors that certain anxiety medications do and can help maintain normal sleep patterns. By the way, “My little Girl” is such a sweet song!

  • Reply Hugh McManners March 21, 2018 at 1:13 pm

    Hi Jessica,
    I’ve been following your exploits for a few months – and well done you!
    And well done for coming out of the closet (as it can feel). As one in three of us suffer these types of problem, there’s a far more helpful and supportive experience out there than any other sort of reaction. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of support – like this.
    You might find it also helps if you declare your actual medication. The med’s characteristics vary greatly – as do people’s experiences of them. And of course the small print on the box doesn’t always cover all the side effects etc… I was on an SSRI for a long time. By reading lots of other people’s experiences, I knew when it was time to come off (as you will), and how to do it. Getting off was potentially problematic – and could have been very unpleasant. But I worked out from other people’s experiences how to do it, and had no problems at all.
    I hope this helps.
    Very best wishes,
    Hugh

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